This evening, I'll begin operation Human Pin Cushion (Karen, I think you get credit for coming up with that phrase!). I will get three shots this evening (four if I have to switch to a new vial of Follistim). I'm going to call our injection educator today to review our mixing instructions and Dr. Silber's office to confirm the dose. I was a bit freaked out last Friday when all the meds arrived in this big cardboard box, insulated with cooling packs. There was this HUGE sack of needles. YIKES! I'll let you know how things go. I'm sure Brad will want to capture it all on videotape...LOL!!
Thanks to those of you who emailed or commented on the testimony. That means so much to me. Even reading it now online, I get choked up. I don't know how it was possible for me read it in church without losing it. Well, of course, God made it possible! I received a letter and a card from people at my church telling stories of their adult children struggling with infertility. It's nice to know you're not alone in something like this but your heart also aches to find out that another couple is enduring this. In addition to sharing their personal stories, they also offered prayers and encouragement. I'm so thankful for all of you and for our church family! *hugs*
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Testimony
Here's what I read Sunday morning:
Brad and I have been in a difficult situation for three years. We have asked God to bless us with children. We’ve gone through all the typical emotions you go through when you’re in a difficult situation: anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety. But we’ve tried to look at this trial with a Christian perspective. I have faith…I believe God will answer our prayers. The difficult thing is realizing that we can’t tell God what to do and His answer may not be the same as my answer. See, I thought I’d wait and give a testimony AFTER God got us triumphantly through this trial. I thought I would stand here before you and talk about how God gave us exactly what we asked for…I’d have proof of God’s love, evidence of God’s ability to work a miracle. That’s what we’ve been praying for…a miracle.
A couple of weeks ago, Brad and I visited his parents in Pennsylvania. We visited their church on Sunday morning and heard a sermon on the temptation of Christ. And the part that really stuck out to me was the part where the pastor said that we are not supposed to test God. And I realized that by asking God to work this miracle in our lives, I was testing God…testing his love for me…making my belief in His love for me dependent on whether or not he resolved our difficult situation in the way I thought it ought to be resolved. The pastor said that once you let go of this need to test God, you’ll find peace. And the pastor was right. I look at our difficult situation in a new context now. I realize that the REAL miracle is that right here in the midst of our storm, in the midst of a gut-wrenchingly painful problem, God has given me peace. God has given me comfort. That is the true miracle. Because without God, I would have no peace…and as if it weren’t enough that God gives me peace…He also gives me hope. Now, don’t get me wrong…If we don’t get the outcome we’re asking for, we’ll be angry and sad and disappointed. In fact, we will grieve. But God will be there then too…and again, that will be a miracle. It’s hard for me to avoid my own temptation to want to EARN God’s favor…maybe by being obedient and giving this testimony, I’ll get what I want. But I know and you know that we can never earn something we’ve already gotten for free.
So, this is my testimony. I stand before you, a woman not yet triumphant over a major trial but a woman at peace…I heard a song the other day that captured exactly how I feel…The lyrics say:
Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child
Brad and I have been in a difficult situation for three years. We have asked God to bless us with children. We’ve gone through all the typical emotions you go through when you’re in a difficult situation: anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety. But we’ve tried to look at this trial with a Christian perspective. I have faith…I believe God will answer our prayers. The difficult thing is realizing that we can’t tell God what to do and His answer may not be the same as my answer. See, I thought I’d wait and give a testimony AFTER God got us triumphantly through this trial. I thought I would stand here before you and talk about how God gave us exactly what we asked for…I’d have proof of God’s love, evidence of God’s ability to work a miracle. That’s what we’ve been praying for…a miracle.
A couple of weeks ago, Brad and I visited his parents in Pennsylvania. We visited their church on Sunday morning and heard a sermon on the temptation of Christ. And the part that really stuck out to me was the part where the pastor said that we are not supposed to test God. And I realized that by asking God to work this miracle in our lives, I was testing God…testing his love for me…making my belief in His love for me dependent on whether or not he resolved our difficult situation in the way I thought it ought to be resolved. The pastor said that once you let go of this need to test God, you’ll find peace. And the pastor was right. I look at our difficult situation in a new context now. I realize that the REAL miracle is that right here in the midst of our storm, in the midst of a gut-wrenchingly painful problem, God has given me peace. God has given me comfort. That is the true miracle. Because without God, I would have no peace…and as if it weren’t enough that God gives me peace…He also gives me hope. Now, don’t get me wrong…If we don’t get the outcome we’re asking for, we’ll be angry and sad and disappointed. In fact, we will grieve. But God will be there then too…and again, that will be a miracle. It’s hard for me to avoid my own temptation to want to EARN God’s favor…maybe by being obedient and giving this testimony, I’ll get what I want. But I know and you know that we can never earn something we’ve already gotten for free.
So, this is my testimony. I stand before you, a woman not yet triumphant over a major trial but a woman at peace…I heard a song the other day that captured exactly how I feel…The lyrics say:
Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child
Monday, August 14, 2006
Stims this week!
I will start the stims (stimulating drugs) this Wednesday. They will cause the follicles on my ovaries to grow. This week I don't have to travel to St Louis but next week, I'll be up there at least three times for blood work and monitoring.
Yesterday at church, I gave my testimony and talked about our struggle. I will post a copy of my testimony on here. I felt such an emotional release after church. I felt like I had gotten a burden off my shoulders, simply by sharing and asking for prayers.
I'm still kicking it at aerobics. I want to keep it up as long as I can. I feel like the Lupron makes me gain weight more easily than I would without it. Being on these meds is no excuse to go back to lard-land so I'm doing my best to keep my weight where it's been for the past several months. I feel like I'm in good shape to be pregnant...so bring it on, baby!!
Yesterday at church, I gave my testimony and talked about our struggle. I will post a copy of my testimony on here. I felt such an emotional release after church. I felt like I had gotten a burden off my shoulders, simply by sharing and asking for prayers.
I'm still kicking it at aerobics. I want to keep it up as long as I can. I feel like the Lupron makes me gain weight more easily than I would without it. Being on these meds is no excuse to go back to lard-land so I'm doing my best to keep my weight where it's been for the past several months. I feel like I'm in good shape to be pregnant...so bring it on, baby!!
Friday, August 11, 2006
Drinks, hairspray and gels...Oh my!
All I can say is thank goodness Brad and I don't have any flights planned...(Weed, pay attention and put all your junk in your checked luggage!) What craziness! As Brad rightly noted, things like this always happen when we get back from a trip to Philly. Lest I remind you, we were visiting NYC (as part of our Philly trip) only a few days before 9/11...
Next week is when I start the stimulating drugs (or stims for short). I've been reading up on egg retrieval. It's kinda wild. Just google egg retrieval and you'll learn more than you ever wanted to know. Brad has been videotaping me most evenings as I give myself the Lupron shots. He also tries to interview me as I do it. First of all, if he's not around, I give myself the shot without hesitation (in fact, I did it the other night while on the phone!). But when he's there with the camera, zoomed in on the needle, I suddenly feel like I have to perform...It's funny! It's sweet of him to do it though because I know he wants a record of this whole process. When we get pregnant and have our beautiful baby, we can show her how far we went to get her *it's going to be a girl, right?* *smiles*
I'm so glad it's the weekend! Brad and I have tickets to a baseball game. Well, have a super weekend!
Next week is when I start the stimulating drugs (or stims for short). I've been reading up on egg retrieval. It's kinda wild. Just google egg retrieval and you'll learn more than you ever wanted to know. Brad has been videotaping me most evenings as I give myself the Lupron shots. He also tries to interview me as I do it. First of all, if he's not around, I give myself the shot without hesitation (in fact, I did it the other night while on the phone!). But when he's there with the camera, zoomed in on the needle, I suddenly feel like I have to perform...It's funny! It's sweet of him to do it though because I know he wants a record of this whole process. When we get pregnant and have our beautiful baby, we can show her how far we went to get her *it's going to be a girl, right?* *smiles*
I'm so glad it's the weekend! Brad and I have tickets to a baseball game. Well, have a super weekend!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
DeRosa is De Man
My doctor's visit in St Louis went very well yesterday. The OB/GYN is Dr. DeRosa. He was very personable and did a good job explaining everything that will happen with the egg retrieval on August 29. He also laid out the risks. The ovaries are situated over a major blood vessel. There's a possibility the needle could hit it and cause serious problems. He said he's never had that happen with his patients but he knows about cases where it did happen. Another reason to pray that all goes well. Everything is right on schedule and I got the "all clear" to go ahead with stimulating drugs beginning next Wednesday. We're right on schedule...It's a good feeling because I've read about so many women who hit snags along the way. I pray that things stay on schedule...Thanks for your love and support!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Is it really Monday?!?!
Wow! Seems like the weekend went by fast! Brad had to work Saturday. I cleaned house and caught up on laundry (you know how it is after you get back from a trip). Sunday, we went to church, did aerobics, went grocery shopping and chilled the rest of the evening. Exciting, huh?
When we got back from Philly last Wednesday night, there was a HUGE stack of papers awaiting us from Dr. Silber's office. We are still going through all the paperwork. There are a lot of forms to fill out and many appointments to schedule for the end of August. Keep us in your prayers as we maneuver through all this.
The next step is an appointment Wednesday with the assisting OB/GYN in St Louis. He helps Dr. Silber with the egg retrieval and eff transfer. I think it's just an introductory meeting where he explains everything that will happen. Will let you know how that goes.
When we got back from Philly last Wednesday night, there was a HUGE stack of papers awaiting us from Dr. Silber's office. We are still going through all the paperwork. There are a lot of forms to fill out and many appointments to schedule for the end of August. Keep us in your prayers as we maneuver through all this.
The next step is an appointment Wednesday with the assisting OB/GYN in St Louis. He helps Dr. Silber with the egg retrieval and eff transfer. I think it's just an introductory meeting where he explains everything that will happen. Will let you know how that goes.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Apothecary, thy drugs are quick!
A little Shakespeare anyone?!?! That line from Romeo and Juliet has gone through my mind the past two nights as I've given myself the Lupron shots. It doesn't take long for the meds to knock me out (a TKO from Tokyo). Last night was better...At least I made it through some of the 10PM news. I didn't really have any night sweats last night. I'm so thankful that the Lupron isn't causing me any major problems. I even went to my usual Saturday morning aerobics class. For anyone who is interested in learning about the journey of infertile peeps, I would recommend a book I just got from the library. It's called Infertility: A survival guide for couples and those who love them. It was written by a Christian couple who detail their own journey and inteviewed other couples. I'm only three chapters in but it's great.
Saturdays are fabulous. I'm so thankful that even in the midst of all the IVF stuff that's starting up, I can find peace, comfort and happiness in small things and unexpected places. I was listening to Car Talk in the car today. I got such a kick out of listening to the hosts of the show laugh. Their laughter is totally contagious! Then I came home and started reading my book and the kitties curled up with me. I'm so thankful my arms are not empty!
When I'm ready to read something totally unrelated to TTC, I've got this cool book of ghost stories from Cape May, New Jersey to enjoy. (Ok, yes, this book will probably make me unable to sleep, even with the Lupron since I have long suspected a Civil War era ghost haunts our house!) Well, our black cat Pierre Clovis has just passed out on the floor here in front of the computer. He is the picture of relaxation. I think I'll join him...
Saturdays are fabulous. I'm so thankful that even in the midst of all the IVF stuff that's starting up, I can find peace, comfort and happiness in small things and unexpected places. I was listening to Car Talk in the car today. I got such a kick out of listening to the hosts of the show laugh. Their laughter is totally contagious! Then I came home and started reading my book and the kitties curled up with me. I'm so thankful my arms are not empty!
When I'm ready to read something totally unrelated to TTC, I've got this cool book of ghost stories from Cape May, New Jersey to enjoy. (Ok, yes, this book will probably make me unable to sleep, even with the Lupron since I have long suspected a Civil War era ghost haunts our house!) Well, our black cat Pierre Clovis has just passed out on the floor here in front of the computer. He is the picture of relaxation. I think I'll join him...
Friday, August 04, 2006
Welcome to our new blog site!
We have a new home...Sorry for the confusion! Hope you will re-do your bookmarks and check us out here at this new web address.
I started Lupron last night. Because I'm an idiot, the shot hurt a little. I didn't do a precise 90 degree angle like I was told to do. I was tired anyway but the meds made me sleep like a baby (pun intended). I will be on Lurpon til about August 28th but I'll add two more shots to the routine on August 16th. BTW, for all you gals who have gone through menopause, I got a taste of the night sweats last night. It wasn't too bad...I suspect it may get worse as I put more Lupron in my system. I'm glad it's Friday (like I worked all week)! Hope you all have some fun plans for the weekend...
I started Lupron last night. Because I'm an idiot, the shot hurt a little. I didn't do a precise 90 degree angle like I was told to do. I was tired anyway but the meds made me sleep like a baby (pun intended). I will be on Lurpon til about August 28th but I'll add two more shots to the routine on August 16th. BTW, for all you gals who have gone through menopause, I got a taste of the night sweats last night. It wasn't too bad...I suspect it may get worse as I put more Lupron in my system. I'm glad it's Friday (like I worked all week)! Hope you all have some fun plans for the weekend...
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