Happy Halloweenie!!

Ok, I'm a total kid (which is perhaps one reason I'm dying to have kids of my own). I LOVE Halloween! I will don my witch attire for this evening to hand out little toys to the kiddies (we decided last year NOT to contribute to childhood obesity and handed out little plastic snakes, bugs, bats and spiders...these are actually a bigger hit with the kids than candy). I can't decide what I would've thought about toys instead of candy when I was a kid...It was such a big deal at the end of the night to lay out your sweeties and count them and eat them...ahhhh...candy bars, nerds, suckers, horehounds, chewing gum...wait a minute! How did those horehounds get in there? hehehehe If you've never had the mouth-numbing experience of eating horehounds, you don't know what you're missing! My black cat Pierre Clovis is the perfect compliment to my witch costume...he's fierce all right, cowering under the bed every time the door bell rings. Poor baby!

I got back the latest results of my blood test yesterday. In nine days, the amount of pregnancy hormone in my system went from 4000+ to 99. So, we will do another blood test next Monday to see if it's down to zero. I'm feeling better today. I'm backing off the pain pills. For those who don't know, a blood vessel in my eye popped Sunday morning. So, it was like I was literally falling apart! Now, it looks just plain spooky, a perfect compliment to my witch get-up.

We went to church music practice last night. I got roped into doing offertory. I subsequently roped some of my fellow musicians into helping me. It will actually be a rocking trio...I'll play keyboard and sing, one of our best guy singers will sing lead and another gal with a killer voice will sing harmony. I'll do a low harmony. And we've got our drummer rocking out. I wish you all could be there to hear it. It should be pretty darn good. It's the song My Savior, My God by Aaron Shust.

It's cold here today. I always hated having it cold on Halloween. Here, you had this way cool costume and then you had to cover it up with a big coat. I've gone on far too long here. Hope you all have a super spooky Halloween!!

Back to some normal...

First, thank you all so much for all the emails. If I haven't replied yet, I will. There have been so many and I've been busy (thankfully) at work. We had a wonderful celebration for Brad's birthday Friday, complete with a lovely dinner and a spa treatment for him.

We are looking forward to the holidays...Brad has already put up most of our exterior Christmas lights. He'll be ready to flip the switch November 1!

Things are getting back to normal. I had some physical set backs this weekend but I'm getting better.

We returned to church Sunday. It was great to be there and to get hugs from others on the worship team. They missed us and we missed them. We are praying about what God wants us to do. Is there a special calling for us that doesn't involve children? Or does he have other plans for how our children come into our lives? All questions we are praying over and contemplating. We want to follow whatever path God has for us. We need help discerning that. Much love and peace to all of you...

Happy occasion coming up...

Brad's birthday is Friday! WHOO-HOO!! While I had hoped that the celebration would be extra special this year with a bun in the oven, that will have to wait. Instead, I've got some fun surprises planned for him. It's nice to have his birthday to look forward to. We have a trip planned for this weekend. My best friend from college is getting married in Eureka. As long as I feel ok, we'll still go. I'm looking forward to it because I haven't seen her in years. So, lots of distractions, for which I'm thankful. Thank you for the sweet comments, emails and prayers. We are doing ok.

Bye, bye baby

At least for now. Today's blood test confirmed I am having a miscarriage. There was nothing we could've done to prevent it. I will try to let it happen naturally and only resort to a D&C if the natural process fails. So, how do I feel? I have to quote Stephen King: "It is what it is." That was his response when NPR's Susan Stamburg asked him how he felt about losing the prolific creativity he had in his younger years. It is what it is. There's nothing to be done about it. Yes, there is profound sadness and grief. Yes, there is physical pain. But I believe all things happen for a reason. God knows the plan, God knows the score (and, by the way, the score is Infertility 38, Brad and Missy 0). Thank you in advance for respecting our private grieving process. Any comments here on the blog or emails are appreciated. But don't feel like you have to say anything except that you're praying for us. There's nothing more meaningful than that.

What's next? We don't know. And we're content not knowing for a while. We'll just enjoy the holidays, let my body recover and make some decisions in the new year.

Despite all the heartaches, we must look for a bright side...you gotta smile and laugh to keep from crying your eyes out:
*No more daily progesterone shots!!
*I can take ibuprofen for pain!!
*I can go back to working out!!
*I have an excuse to indulge in some "retail therapy!!"
*We finally have some certainty after weeks of not knowing.

Thank you for your prayers. We continue to need prayer as we seek guidance from God on where the path will lead us next...

Uncertainty

A trip to the mall Saturday night turned into a trip to the ER (I'm a really fun date, aren't I?). I started bleeding. I called the nurse at the hospital and she recommended I go to the ER "just to be sure everything was ok." The ER doc ordered a blood test, which looked good and an ultrasound that did not look good. It showed a sac measuring only 5 weeks, far too small. I had a really bad night last night with pain. I spoke with my OB's nurse today. They are having me do more blood tests. Then, I have an appointment with him this afternoon. Will keep you posted on what they say.

Moment of Zen

I indulged in a peanut butter puddle, my favorite cold decaf coffee drink from Mudhouse. (Mom, don't stroke! I hadn't had one in like a year!) Sipping on it was my moment of zen. It was so nice to enjoy something so gorgeous in the midst of a crazy day. Ahhhhhh!

Ok, here's the deal. I am absolutely relying on God and God answering our prayers to give us stellar results one week from today at the next ultrasound. If we find a baby in there with a good heartbeat, it will be nothing short of miraculous (especially when you consider the ups and downs of this whole process for us). So, I'm asking that you write this prayer for us on your heart and just pray, pray, pray.

Sheer Exhaustion!

It's only Monday, right?!?! I'm so exhausted. We went out of town this weekend and had a great time. I had to get to work early today and I'll be working late tonight. This is going to be a long week. But my boss actually came over this morning and said to start my weekend early on Friday by leaving around noon since this is such a hectic week. I said I would gladly do that. And I'll take a day off next week. On top of the fatigue, I was sick as a dog (to my stomach) earlier today. I nearly hurled in a parking lot. And, yes, I ate breakfast! But I'm not complaining...I hope it means all is well with the baby!!

In the meantime, enjoy some Tennessee humor...You know you're a Tennessean if:

*It's not a shopping cart; It's a buggy.
*Fixnto is a word.
*Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
*You measure distance in minutes.
*You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store "
*You know whether another Tennessean is from east, middle, or west Tennessee as soon as they open their mouth.
*A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
*You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Tennessee (and those who just wish they were).

(These jokes were brought to you by Sister Weedy)

Brrrr!

It's cold. No doubt about it. We've gone from above average to below average temperatures. I had to whip out the sweater and cords yesterday. We are going out of town this weekend. Should be fun. This has been a busy week. Brad and I are still getting used to our new positions. Hope all of you have a super weekend!! *hugs*

Sorry to be MIA

This has been a busy week. There's a lot going on. I've really been trying not to focus on the pregnancy and keep busy instead. It's been nice. I talked to the local nurse yesterday. She said my IVF doc would have to give me my due date. Sheesh. She also said that at the next ultrasound, we definitely need to see a heartbeat. Please keep us in your prayers...The next ultrasound is 8:15AM October 25. It will be here before we know it!

The Giants

Well, Facing the Giants is a must-see. The message is so powerful and it means even more to anyone who loves football. Much to my surprise, the central couple also deals with infertility. One of the couples went to see this with has been trying to get pregnant for 3 years or so. All four of us were sniffing and wiping our eyes by the end. If you get a chance to see this movie, you'll leave the theatre inspired to serve God more. That's it for now. Hope you all are having a great weekend!!

TGIF!

I'm so ready for the weekend. This has been a super long week for me. We're going to dinner and a movie with two couples from church tomorrow night. That should be fun. I may try to leave work a little early today. I've worked some long hours...I'm ready to get the weekend off to an early start. Sounds nice, huh? No new pregnancy news...except that I nearly got sick at my desk three times today. No fun but a comforting way to know you're still pregnant and all is well...

FINALLY!!

Ok, so the nurse called and said the doc reviewed the ultrasound and everything looks fine. WHAT?!?! Evidently, every internet IVF due date calculator is TOTALLY WRONG. Anyway, my doc said no need to worry or come back in for another three weeks. We'll look for a heartbeat then. I will now allow myself to eat after being glued by the phone all day.

Still No News

No call yet from the doc...sheesh...

It's probably over...

The sac measured only 4 weeks and 4 days. That is not a good sign at all but I guess I have to wait for official word from the doctor. The measurement means it's too small for a heartbeat, too small for anything at this point.

Tomorrow, tomorrow...I love ya, tomorrow!

Our appointment is at 8:30AM. PLEASE, PLEASE keep us close to your hearts and in your prayers. I'm so excited and nervous. Of course, we will post as soon as we know something.

My News Directing Job

     First day on the job as the news director.  It went fine.  I meet everyone who was in the building.  Helped set up the lead story.  It was evident very quick who was set in their ways and who seems more open to change.  I keep reminding myself it's a marathon, not a sprint.  Democracies take time to build.  "It's hard work." 

 

     It will take discipline since the instinctual reaction is to say, "Oh yeah.  How's that working out for you?  I've seen the ratings.  That don't work."  You don't want to crap all over thier work, particularly those who've been here for a few years. 

 

     In unrelated work news, I learned today that ANOTHER co-worker is pregnant.  I shouldn't feel so bad.  We should be able to make the same announcement soon. 

 

This week and next, according to Storknet

I thought this was interesting and exciting. Keep in mind, I'm 6 weeks, 5 days today.

Week 6
Fetal Development:
My Heart Belongs to You!
The first heartbeats have begun! The baby is now an embryo and is about 1/17 of an inch long. Growth is very rapid this week. The umbilical cord develops. The eyes and ears begin to form as well as an opening for the mouth. The heart has begun to pump blood and most of the other organs are well under construction. Buds form on the body that will become the arms and legs.
Exciting week!

Maternal Changes:
This week tends to bring on the nausea. Morning sickness is a constant companion any time of the day. You may be craving certain foods while the very thought of other foods will send you to the porcelain goddess.
Because this is a critical time in your baby's organ development, avoid alcohol, substances, drugs, and treatments (perms, hair coloring, manicures, etc.) that you don't really need. If you haven't yet, make your first prenatal appointment with your care provider.

Week 7
Fetal Development:
I'm Tiny But Gaining Fast!
The baby is about 1/3 of an inch, the size of a grain of rice. Development of the arms and legs continue although the fingers and toes haven't yet formed. The brain is growing as well as the lenses of the eyes, nostrils, intestines, pancreas and bronchi.

Maternal Changes:
This week tends to be like last week with the usual symptoms of early pregnancy continuing. You're not showing yet and may have lost a few pounds or gained a few pounds. Both are normal at this stage.

Wandering through the woods...

We went for a walk at the nature center last night. It was the first time I had done any significant amount of walking since getting pregnant. We went slow and it was lovely to be outside. We watched two turtles "kiss" and bluegill gliding through the water. There were deer EVERYWHERE! We were as close as four feet from some does. We even got close to a buck. I bet we saw 13-15 deer total. It was so neat.

We had a nice weekend. We saw Superman Returns at the dollar theatre. I thought it was enjoyable but Brad says he still can't connect with it.

As Brad has described it, we are holding our breath emotionally and psychologically until Wednesday's ultrasound. Here's hoping and praying everything will be PERFECT.

Cheerio!

Well, my bestest friend in the whole world is leaving today for a two week European Extravaganza and I'm so excited for her!! They'll arrive in London (cheerio!) and travel to Amsterdam, Austria, Munich, Italy and Paris. Have a blast, KT!! Not much is new here. We had a lovely weekend. It's been like a flashback to summer. It's so warm! I think we may go for a walk this evening. Today at church, one of our associate pastors came up to congratulate us on our pregnancy. He said, "There have been so many people praying for you all and you don't even know some of those people." It was just very sweet and reassuring to know that so many people are keeping us close in prayer. This is a big week for us. Brad and I start new jobs (we both got promoted but are with the same companies) and on top of that, the BIG ULTRASOUND. I will keep you posted. Much love and hugs. Have a wonderful week!