Just had to post a link to this article (click here) because I think it's an important issue to consider. Going through the adoption home study process really makes you reflect on discipline and how you want to raise your child. We only use time out's with Zeke and we expect anyone who cares for him to do the same. It's very effective because we are consistent with it. He hates time out and most of the time, a warning of a possible time out stops the inappropriate or unsafe behavior. Besides that, how can we tell him not to hit us or others if we hit him? Just something to chew on...
More on how we use time out (from the Super Nanny technique):
1. First, there's a warning given to Zeke at his eye level and making eye contact. It's not shouted from across the room. If the behavior continues, he will get a time out. Sometimes, acting out occurs because a child wants the attention of an adult. When you get on the child's level and make eye contact, you are giving the child attention. That's why a warning can stop the behavior and allow you to address the underlying issue.
2. If he continues the behavior, he gets a time out. The length of the time out is 1 minute x the child's age, so 2 minutes for a 2 year old.
3. If he doesn't stay in time out, he is repeatedly placed back in time out until he stays. There is no negotiation and we do not talk to him during this process or make eye contact. Sometimes, we have to do this multiple times before he stays in time out. I'm not going to lie. It takes time and energy to implement this technique but we strongly believe it's worth it and is far more effective than hitting.
4. When the time has expired, you get on his level and make eye contact. You calmly explain WHY he got a time out. He must say he's sorry. Then, we love on each other and he must promise to make better choices next time.
Time out works on so many levels but only when it's implemented correctly. Time out can let a child calm his/her emotions. Hitting a child only escalates the emotions. We also talk a lot in the course of our daily lives about good choices and bad choices (which would result in a time out). Zeke is always a good boy. We never tell him he's a bad boy. He's a good boy who sometimes makes bad choices. We think that this technique also reinforces that very important message.
4 comments:
I am happy to hear this works so well for you guys. Time outs had been very very effective for Emma up until about 3 months ago. Now she just trots to time out, does her time and often returns to her mischief. It has gotten really frustrating. I have been trying to remove things (her videos, no treats after dinner, etc) but they don't seem to be hitting the mark either. I don't know if it's just the age (2 1/2) or what but we have had a very strong-willed and naughty girl on our hands lately :) Not trying to sound discouraging; let me know if you have any other techniques!
PS If he's doing something really unsafe, we divert to another location/activity after the first time out.
Hi, Mandy! Here's how we've handled situations where Zeke continues the bad behavior. We keep giving him time out, up to 3 times. After that, we physically remove him from the thing or place where he's doing the naughty behavior and re-direct him to something else. If he pitches a fit because we're re-directing him, we let him lie in the floor and do it, but I will not coddle nor engage him in a fit. At the advice of our pediatrician, we ignore all "rolling on the floor" fits and just walk away (as long as he is not going to hurt himself). Since we're not giving him any attention for his fit, he stops pretty quickly. We've found that when we remove him from the "naughty situation" after 3 time outs, he gets going on an activity that's more productive. Example: If he throws his cars, and he keeps doing it, even after 3 time outs, we will leave the living room to begin another activity in his room, the kitchen, or outside. Hope that helps!
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